What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 00:17
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
New Study Reveals the #1 Sleep Mistake That Harms the Brain - AOL.com
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She loved him until the end.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Bitcoin in ‘make or break’ zone – Trump Media hints at what’s next - AMBCrypto
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
All the time i was locked up.
She wouldn,t have been !
How and why do cats purr? Scientists finally found the answers - Earth.com
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
CLARITY Act takes center stage, throws SEC-CFTC feud into focus - AMBCrypto
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Do most narcissists have good intentions as long as you are under their control?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
One cannot live in the past .
What was Easter day like for you as a child?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Why is there so much hate against black people?
Was to survive, this bastard.
I couldn’t, believe it.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
S&P 500 scores best May since 1990, but stocks end month with fresh tariff worries - MarketWatch
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She found it foreign!.
Do you have any opinion on Japanese writer/actor Yukio Mishima?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
So, i spoilt her more .
How are Hinduism and Sikhism related, considering they both originated in Punjab, India?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
We were not on the streets..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We all went to grammer schools
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I think the readers, may guess!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My family never makes their pension either.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Why did i forgive my father ?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She was in good health!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Who then, do I blame.?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He knew the spot.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I could never make a relationship work though!
And i lived it daily.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
When she asked me how she looked .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Especially a lifetime of it.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I was seconnd youngest,
My life is so biszare .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I was 9 years of age.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
As i do to all so called friends.?
I will be 64.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She married twice! .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Comes on , in middle age.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I waited trembling.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I have no regrets .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was scared of men, in general
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But, we were locked up after school.
I write beautiful poetry .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Ive learnt so much.
It was going to be , some day.
He resisted the act ,that day.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Im still living with it.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I don,t even have a pension.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Put me off passion for life!!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I said to her
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But it wasn’t much.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Would this be the day?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
So whats the point in blame.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I was very sick at this time too.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
This is soul school!.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
What did i know ?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I never cut or harmed myself..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.